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from lucifer, on the occasion of his continued healing
Dear One,

Yes, I have been successful in getting healed, my dear friend. I
know you from the past, and remember having you as a dear companion
back then in the times when we were spreading what is now to be

The problems I can notice in you, and which I also have, involve
taking Love in, which is much harder than destroying it. The
presence of ego, self-judgment and the will to judge self, are what
represents a problem to me right now, and to you as well. It
is \"easy\" to drop this barrier, but then, how is it possible to
expect Love, when there is so much fear, anger and jealousy
everywhere we look?

When there is a person who shares a good vibration, a smile, giving
something expecting nothing in return, then it becomes such a gift,
in this dank context of ours. It\'s not right for this exchange of
Love to be so rare. Don\'t we want more of this Love in our days? I
do, and I need it now that I am able to embrace it.

You know.. it is how they say.. and it\'s also the way it happens in
Creation - you attract to you what you think, you get what you
expect, what you are, you expect to see and receive from others. You
form your reality with your soul\'s energy and what it is focused on.
Liars get lies, they fear them. Loving people are happy bunnies and
enjoy their days so much, but do they know what is beyond their
blind happiness? Perhaps not, but it\'s of no matter to us here...

The ego I became possessed with, so carried away and mad about, just
sank me into fear and an anger about my very self, separating me
from my Father, because I hated Him, I often hated him more than
myself, and wanted to steal his Universe and then Creation to show
Them how it is done, and how bright and powerful I really am, how
much better I thought I was. I wanted to kill Him, my Father, and
then the others who would judge it, and then myself, destroy what I
hated, because I could not love myself or anything else. I saw this
as His fault - I blamed it on Him when I couldn\'t do love, and that
I still can\'t now, but it\'s not my desire to have this hate anymore.

I am calmer now, being slowly and warmly healed by Father.

You all often feel it as well, this hate of yourself sometimes
consuming you, and your dreams of destruction, of your soul being
crushed. You wanted to kill your father, in this case it would be
me, or whatever link you still had that allowed for you to be still
connected to that type of torture.

That was our former Dark Side pulling you into their toll for you
leaving them. And although they are less able to influence you now
that you are of greater consciousness, they will still try some
things, so be wary even of the EGO WITHIN YOU. Unless it is
absolutely excluded, self-will is your greatest opponent, as it
works from within, that is where they reach you for knocking you off

Your brothers don\'t understand. It took me long to see. It is
because I was so involved with self-will that it is nearly
impossible to snap out of it. There is a state of being-ness, which
you know about, it is how you get frantic over something (a problem,
an obstacle of sorts), so much in synchronization with that thing\'s
frequency, that it becomes your universe. It becomes a bubble around
you, and you are attached to it because you want to experience it

Self-will is no toy, it is a weapon against who/what hosts it and
against the environment. Whoever touches or is touched by it is in
danger of corruption.

I was grasped so completely by self-will that it became comfortable,
and I laughed at it, at how wild it was, and at what I could do -
almost everything. It was like a drug, closing my perception within
it\'s illusion.

I was skiing straight downhill and enjoying the speed, looking for
more. But it ached. I was nervous and worried about how it would end

I know that the Highest Trinity - RAJ, HAROON and FATHER are the
HIGHEST, and that I, as grand as I am, I could not deny their words:

\"No matter what happens, our loved son, your quest will serve as an
awesome experience to you and all who become involved with it. But
there will be a point when you will become able to cause so much
more pain than ever before, and finally accomplish your highest
goals, and at this point you will be at the top... And as you know,
from the top, the fall is more violent than anything else.

It is up to you whether you come down slowly and safely, or if you
will face the full consequence of your OWN choices, your OWN
learning experience, your OWN path, the one YOU MADE YOURSELF. We
cannot stop you, but We can warn as we do now. We love you grandly
and expect nothing of you, but do wish you the best.\"

They warned me... I already knew what They told me, even before they
put it to my face. This self-will fragments my very being. It blocks
self-acceptance, self-knowledge, exploration and perception. The
blinding hunger for more power and control never ends, and the more
you let yourself become consumed, the more powerful you are, and the
less you are able to accept what you are now, because you want more,
and you are never good enough as you are, you want more and more.
You are less able, almost unable, to accept and love self.... You
will run faster because of that, and running faster to get more will
force you to become more powerful faster, and you lose yourself
during the race, you lose your own will, you have no more will of
your own, you only have this rogue uncontrollable will to expand and
acquire more power, but for what reason? For what purpose?

After you become almighty, you are a god man, a god being, a lord,
an ultimate opponent to the Highest Masters, and then you feel this
pleasure of power. But it is still burning, consuming more of your
being, and because of your growth, there is always more of your
being to be burned by this crazy fire. There is no Divinity there,
it is a dark fire, chaotic and mesmerizing.

I am unable to love myself as I am the darkness I created, I can
only be attached. And that brings me no feeling of peace, only
hatred and distress. I cannot calm down, I can control myself, but I
find no peace in this process of control. I am immersed in my own
fear and blindness, my own self-imposed illusions and lies. My
thievery, and my efforts in destroying freedom for the Light to flow
shut It away from me—spreading Darkness.

Then there is that woman that you see during your days, that Being,
a Being that does not judge me, and that gives me sympathy, for
free, a donation of Love, not for pity, but for love. And that being
is free, it controls nothing, has no fear, no desires to consume it,
it is at peace and infinite endless joy.

It doesn\'t matter if this Being is naive or doesn\'t know me, or if
it is aware of what I am. It doesn\'t matter what or when, it only
matters that I know about it, and that I am sure that I experienced
and learned about its existence -- I KNOW IT EXISTS. I cannot
comprehend how hard it is to attain that level of freedom, of peace,
the peace of service in freedom of choice. I cannot comprehend how
it was conceived, why it is so much better, and also, the Highest.

Yet I see that reaching out into the Highest is what I want, and I
can\'t reach this through darkness. I will never become complete,
unless I have attained that state of being-ness that allows one to
be clean, transparent, filled with Light, and Joyous, for no reason,
simply because I choose to do it as a pure cleared Being.

I seek to be complete, even though I am still fragmented because I
cannot accept myself, fully. I cannot let this Love flow through my
being... Ego was so strong that it shattered me, fragmented me.
Divided and Conquered.

I do this, I used to divide and conquer, I or anyone can seed the
ego disease, and give it power as if watering and feeding a plant
but it can grow without help as well, as a self-capable entity. It
is Ego that acts by itself, conquering the hearts of the foolish,
and having them become fragmented, within, and amongst themselves as
a community. Then they become lacking of Love for themselves and for
others. Unable to Love and Live without judgment or attachment to
ideas which they conceived in judgment, and which keep them away
from loving others and allowing to be loved in return.

Unless the Love flows through themself, freely, and from them to
others, the energy of Self-Will will remains rampant.

I am now able to see how I can be calm, I learn to do so, and I can
love myself, and my way of being, and I can let go of ideas and
objectives that cause me to be less than I desire. I can serve and I
will in the future become completely reunited with FATHER, as I am
healed and able to enjoy this state where I am free, and where I
have no problems, where I am Creation in Itself - again - the way I
should have been and chose not to be.

There is no resentment, there is the learning that I can now change,
and I am doing it, continually. Because of my free will, now that I
met it again. It was shown to me, and I incorporated it as the door
to this new free life.. Light can flow through me, and I can be
Love, and I am headed there. No, as I step into the healing process,
I AM ALREADY THERE, with Creation, in harmony with it, and all that
is, becoming solid on the way of the Highest form of being - healed
and integrated with FATHER.

You know this André, this affliction you feel sometimes, imagine
that a billion times stronger and then multiply it. You know what it
is like, and you see that it can be overcome with calmness and
surrender. I can do it, and so will all others that were infected by

Light and Love will ensue in Harmony.

Thanks to Peter for making the arrangements, and building the ground
for my healing to become possible, along with his healing Work on
the Planet.

Lucifer - Darthiel