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from lucifer, on the occasion of his continued healing
Dear One,
Yes, I have been successful in getting healed, my dear friend. I know you from the past, and remember having you as a dear companion back then in the times when we were spreading what is now to be healed. The problems I can notice in you, and which I also have, involve taking Love in, which is much harder than destroying it. The presence of ego, self-judgment and the will to judge self, are what represents a problem to me right now, and to you as well. It is \"easy\" to drop this barrier, but then, how is it possible to expect Love, when there is so much fear, anger and jealousy everywhere we look? When there is a person who shares a good vibration, a smile, giving something expecting nothing in return, then it becomes such a gift, in this dank context of ours. It\'s not right for this exchange of Love to be so rare. Don\'t we want more of this Love in our days? I do, and I need it now that I am able to embrace it. You know.. it is how they say.. and it\'s also the way it happens in Creation - you attract to you what you think, you get what you expect, what you are, you expect to see and receive from others. You form your reality with your soul\'s energy and what it is focused on. Liars get lies, they fear them. Loving people are happy bunnies and enjoy their days so much, but do they know what is beyond their blind happiness? Perhaps not, but it\'s of no matter to us here... The ego I became possessed with, so carried away and mad about, just sank me into fear and an anger about my very self, separating me from my Father, because I hated Him, I often hated him more than myself, and wanted to steal his Universe and then Creation to show Them how it is done, and how bright and powerful I really am, how much better I thought I was. I wanted to kill Him, my Father, and then the others who would judge it, and then myself, destroy what I hated, because I could not love myself or anything else. I saw this as His fault - I blamed it on Him when I couldn\'t do love, and that I still can\'t now, but it\'s not my desire to have this hate anymore. I am calmer now, being slowly and warmly healed by Father. You all often feel it as well, this hate of yourself sometimes consuming you, and your dreams of destruction, of your soul being crushed. You wanted to kill your father, in this case it would be me, or whatever link you still had that allowed for you to be still connected to that type of torture. That was our former Dark Side pulling you into their toll for you leaving them. And although they are less able to influence you now that you are of greater consciousness, they will still try some things, so be wary even of the EGO WITHIN YOU. Unless it is absolutely excluded, self-will is your greatest opponent, as it works from within, that is where they reach you for knocking you off balance. Your brothers don\'t understand. It took me long to see. It is because I was so involved with self-will that it is nearly impossible to snap out of it. There is a state of being-ness, which you know about, it is how you get frantic over something (a problem, an obstacle of sorts), so much in synchronization with that thing\'s frequency, that it becomes your universe. It becomes a bubble around you, and you are attached to it because you want to experience it further. Self-will is no toy, it is a weapon against who/what hosts it and against the environment. Whoever touches or is touched by it is in danger of corruption. I was grasped so completely by self-will that it became comfortable, and I laughed at it, at how wild it was, and at what I could do - almost everything. It was like a drug, closing my perception within it\'s illusion. I was skiing straight downhill and enjoying the speed, looking for more. But it ached. I was nervous and worried about how it would end up... I know that the Highest Trinity - RAJ, HAROON and FATHER are the HIGHEST, and that I, as grand as I am, I could not deny their words: \"No matter what happens, our loved son, your quest will serve as an awesome experience to you and all who become involved with it. But there will be a point when you will become able to cause so much more pain than ever before, and finally accomplish your highest goals, and at this point you will be at the top... And as you know, from the top, the fall is more violent than anything else. It is up to you whether you come down slowly and safely, or if you will face the full consequence of your OWN choices, your OWN learning experience, your OWN path, the one YOU MADE YOURSELF. We cannot stop you, but We can warn as we do now. We love you grandly and expect nothing of you, but do wish you the best.\" They warned me... I already knew what They told me, even before they put it to my face. This self-will fragments my very being. It blocks self-acceptance, self-knowledge, exploration and perception. The blinding hunger for more power and control never ends, and the more you let yourself become consumed, the more powerful you are, and the less you are able to accept what you are now, because you want more, and you are never good enough as you are, you want more and more. You are less able, almost unable, to accept and love self.... You will run faster because of that, and running faster to get more will force you to become more powerful faster, and you lose yourself during the race, you lose your own will, you have no more will of your own, you only have this rogue uncontrollable will to expand and acquire more power, but for what reason? For what purpose? After you become almighty, you are a god man, a god being, a lord, an ultimate opponent to the Highest Masters, and then you feel this pleasure of power. But it is still burning, consuming more of your being, and because of your growth, there is always more of your being to be burned by this crazy fire. There is no Divinity there, it is a dark fire, chaotic and mesmerizing. I am unable to love myself as I am the darkness I created, I can only be attached. And that brings me no feeling of peace, only hatred and distress. I cannot calm down, I can control myself, but I find no peace in this process of control. I am immersed in my own fear and blindness, my own self-imposed illusions and lies. My thievery, and my efforts in destroying freedom for the Light to flow shut It away from me—spreading Darkness. Then there is that woman that you see during your days, that Being, a Being that does not judge me, and that gives me sympathy, for free, a donation of Love, not for pity, but for love. And that being is free, it controls nothing, has no fear, no desires to consume it, it is at peace and infinite endless joy. It doesn\'t matter if this Being is naive or doesn\'t know me, or if it is aware of what I am. It doesn\'t matter what or when, it only matters that I know about it, and that I am sure that I experienced and learned about its existence -- I KNOW IT EXISTS. I cannot comprehend how hard it is to attain that level of freedom, of peace, the peace of service in freedom of choice. I cannot comprehend how it was conceived, why it is so much better, and also, the Highest. Yet I see that reaching out into the Highest is what I want, and I can\'t reach this through darkness. I will never become complete, unless I have attained that state of being-ness that allows one to be clean, transparent, filled with Light, and Joyous, for no reason, simply because I choose to do it as a pure cleared Being. I seek to be complete, even though I am still fragmented because I cannot accept myself, fully. I cannot let this Love flow through my being... Ego was so strong that it shattered me, fragmented me. Divided and Conquered. I do this, I used to divide and conquer, I or anyone can seed the ego disease, and give it power as if watering and feeding a plant but it can grow without help as well, as a self-capable entity. It is Ego that acts by itself, conquering the hearts of the foolish, and having them become fragmented, within, and amongst themselves as a community. Then they become lacking of Love for themselves and for others. Unable to Love and Live without judgment or attachment to ideas which they conceived in judgment, and which keep them away from loving others and allowing to be loved in return. Unless the Love flows through themself, freely, and from them to others, the energy of Self-Will will remains rampant. I am now able to see how I can be calm, I learn to do so, and I can love myself, and my way of being, and I can let go of ideas and objectives that cause me to be less than I desire. I can serve and I will in the future become completely reunited with FATHER, as I am healed and able to enjoy this state where I am free, and where I have no problems, where I am Creation in Itself - again - the way I should have been and chose not to be. There is no resentment, there is the learning that I can now change, and I am doing it, continually. Because of my free will, now that I met it again. It was shown to me, and I incorporated it as the door to this new free life.. Light can flow through me, and I can be Love, and I am headed there. No, as I step into the healing process, I AM ALREADY THERE, with Creation, in harmony with it, and all that is, becoming solid on the way of the Highest form of being - healed and integrated with FATHER. You know this André, this affliction you feel sometimes, imagine that a billion times stronger and then multiply it. You know what it is like, and you see that it can be overcome with calmness and surrender. I can do it, and so will all others that were infected by self-will. Light and Love will ensue in Harmony. Thanks to Peter for making the arrangements, and building the ground for my healing to become possible, along with his healing Work on the Planet. Lucifer - Darthiel 2007-11-05 |